Recently updated on April 18th, 2025 at 11:24 pm

Overview of Coercive Control

Coercive control is a form of domestic violence” often overlooked that involves using tactics such as isolation, intimidation, manipulation, and control over finances, resources, or personal freedom and for which victims can seek a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

While Coercive Control may not always involve physical violence, coercive control can be subtle and highly damaging to a victim’s mental and emotional well-being. In California, recent legislative changes have addressed this issue and provided more protection for victims by allowing them to seek Domestic Violence Restraining Orders Coercive control can manifest in many ways, such as through intimidation or threats of harm toward the victim, loved ones, or pets. It can also involve damaging or threatening to destroy property, monitoring the victim’s online activity, distributing personal images, and taking control of their social media accounts. Additionally, an abuser may use firearms to intimidate, exploit the victim’s finances, file abusive lawsuits, and engage in other harassing behaviors. Coercive control is often not recognized or acknowledged despite being a prevalent form of domestic violence.

An example of non-recognition of coercive control is when a woman is in a relationship with a man who uses coercive control tactics against her. He isolates her from her friends and family, restricts her access to money, and monitors her every move. Despite having evidence of the coercive control behavior she experienced, the woman finds that the court system is not taking her claims seriously. The judge might ask her why she didn’t leave sooner or why she stayed in the relationship if she was being treated badly. The judge may not fully understand the concept of coercive control and how it can be just as damaging as physical violence.

In California, recent legislative changes (2021) have addressed this issue and included in the definition of domestic violence This new definition recognizes the damaging effects that coercive control can have on victims and provides a legal framework to hold abusers accountable. It also acknowledges that coercive control is not just about physical violence but encompasses a wide range of behaviors that can be just as harmful.

Victims can get legal; protection in the form of a a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. Domestic Violence Restraining Order is a kind of restraining order in California for domestic situations. It is governed by the California state law (as opposed to US Federal Law). The formal name and fine print of restraining orders varies from state to state but the basic idea is the same: a judge issues an order to an abuser to stay away from and not contact their victim who the abuser is harassing, abusing, threatening, stalking, or physically hurting.  In other words it’s a last legal warning to stay away or else face criminal charges. If the abuser disobeys the restraining order, then the abuser can be formally charged with committing a crime and can be jailed.

Legal Recognition in California

California Penal Code Section 6320: As of January 1, 2021, California law specifically includes coercive control in the legal definition of domestic violence. This law allows courts to issue restraining orders in situations where there is evidence of coercive control, which is considered a form of abuse.

Types of Coercive Control Recognized

• Isolation from friends, family, or other sources of support.
• Monitoring or regulating daily activities.
• Restricting access to financial resources.
• Psychological manipulation, including threats, intimidation, or humiliation.

Examples of Coercive Control 

1. Example: of Isolation from Friends, Family, or Other Sources of Support

John insists that Emily stop seeing her friends and family, telling her that they don’t care about her and are a bad influence. He monitors her phone calls and messages, making her feel guilty for wanting to spend time with anyone other than him. Over time, Emily loses contact with her social network and becomes increasingly dependent on John for emotional support, feeling isolated and alone.

2. Example: Monitoring or Regulating Daily Activities

Mark insists on knowing Sarah’s every move throughout the day. He demands that she share her location with him at all times via her smartphone and calls her multiple times a day to check on her. If she is late coming home from work or deviates from her usual routine, Mark accuses her of lying or being unfaithful. Sarah becomes anxious and fearful of doing anything that might upset him, even something as simple as running an errand.

3. Example: Restricting Access to Financial Resources

Tom controls all of the household finances and gives Linda only a small allowance for groceries and personal items. He forbids her from having her own bank account or credit card and monitors every purchase she makes. When Linda asks for more money to buy clothes or other necessities, Tom tells her she is wasting money and refuses her request. Linda feels trapped and unable to leave the relationship because she has no financial independence.

4. Example: Psychological Manipulation, Including Threats, Intimidation, or Humiliation

David constantly belittles Anna, telling her she is worthless, unattractive, and lucky that he tolerates her. He frequently threatens to leave her if she doesn’t do exactly what he wants, such as keeping the house spotless or catering to his every need. David also humiliates Anna in front of their children and friends, making sarcastic remarks about her intelligence and abilities. Over time, Anna’s self-esteem plummets, and she becomes increasingly dependent on David for validation, even though he is the source of her pain.

These examples illustrate how coercive control can manifest in different ways within a relationship, each creating an environment where the victim feels trapped, controlled, and powerless. The impact of such control can be profound, leading to long-term psychological and emotional harm.

Comparison with Criminal Case

If you’re a victims of domestic violence, then you can file the following legal cases:

• Criminal Case: In a criminal case, the burden of proof is beyond a reasonable doubt, the highest burden of proof.
• Domestic Violence Restraining Order : This is considered a family law case, and the victim has to give some evidence and generally the burden is low and the victim must establish “reasonable proof of a past act or acts of abuse.” Cal. Family Code § 6300.For Domestic Violence Restraining Order, you just need evidence to support that abuse occurred which is defined as bodily injury or fear that you will get bodily injury.The legal language is in California Penal Code 13700: “intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, or placing another person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to himself or herself, or another.”

The court considers accusations of abuse leniently, and favors on issuing orders as long as there is some evidence.

Is a restraining order helpful?

The purpose of a restraining order is to restrict the contact or proximity of one person (the respondent or alleged perpetrator) to another person (the petitioner or victim) in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the petitioner.

The specific terms of a restraining order can vary depending on the circumstances of the case e.g. if the people live together then it might require one party to vacate the place.

Typically, a restraining order may prohibit the respondent from

1. Approaching or contacting the petitioner including via text or social media
2. Staying away from the usual places petitioner is at such as home, work or school
3. Prohibit stalking, or surveillance of any kind
4. In situations where they lived together, provide custody or access to
   • Children
   • Pets
   • Important documents
   • Personal items such as clothes, medications, cell phones
   • Cars
5. Extending the protections to others living with the petitioner

Research findings on benefits of restraining orders

Process for getting a restraining order?

Step 1: Gather Evidence

The first step is to gather the evidence to support your case. The fallowing are considered as evidence of domestic violence

Evidence Type 1: Pending Criminal Case

Judges are also more likely to issue an order if there is an ongoing criminal case, therefore it’s important to call such cases out when seeking a temporary restraining order.

When a judge sees that there’s a criminal case happening, they might think it means the police or the district attorney are pretty sure they can prove the crime happened.

Examples of evidence are:

Evidence Type 2: Photos of violence, injuries, damage

These are the most common types of evidence submitted. These can be photos of victim’s injuries inflicted by the abuser. It is helpful to add photos next to the related incident description to help create a complete picture for the judge.

Evidence Type 3: Print outs of messages, emails or transcripts of voicemail

You can take screenshots of text messages and attach them. Similarly you can print emails and attach them as pictures or PDF files. While in most cases you cannot submit digital files such as

Evidence Type 4: 911 Calls

Rather than just saying you called 911 or any specific hotline, you can make your case stronger by listing the following items

• The number dialed in case of the domestic hotline
• The date and time (or approximate date and time) when the call was made
• Who made the call
• What was reported on the call
• Any specific details of the person who answer the 911 call e.g. male/female voice

Evidence Type 5:  Medical Records

.You can attach documentation of previous medical emergencies or injuries that resulted from the actions of the abuser. These could be hospital visit records, print outs from your hospital portal (E.g. mychart) showing details of your visit.

Evidence Type 6:  Police reports

You can attach a copy of the police reports filed against abuser for domestic violence.

Evidence Type 7:  Testimony

• A testimony from a witness. The witness can be anyone such as a family member, neighbor a co-worker or a bystander. The testimony is just an essay written describing the incidents witnessed, with as many specifics as possible.

Step 2: Get a copy of court forms 

In order to apply for a civil protection order, you need to fill and submit a specific set of official California court forms. These have questions aimed at understanding your situation and the people involved.

1. DV-100: Request for Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DV-100)  The most important form is the DV-100 which formally asks the judge for a restraining order and tell the judge why you need one.
2. CLETS-001: Confidential CLETS Information: The information on this form will help police enforce your restraining order. The court will not use the information on this form and the person you want a restraining order against will not get a copy.
3. DV-109 Notice of Court Hearing: The court will complete most of this form. You only need to complete numbers 1 and 2.
4. DV-110 Temporary Restraining Order: The court will complete most of this form. You only need to complete numbers 1, 2, and 3.
5. FL-150: Use this form if you are asking for attorney’s fees, spousal support, or child support. This form asks how much money you earn and what your expenses are. Attach proof of your income (like paystubs) from the past two months to the form.
6. DV-120: Response to Request for Domestic Violence Restraining Order
7. DV-200: Proof of Personal Service (CLETS) Use this form to prove to the court that the restrained person has been served in person. Your server fills out and signs the form.

If you have children together, and also want child custody, parenting time, or child support orders:

1. DV-105: Request for Child Custody and Visitation Orders: Ask the judge for custody orders if you have children with the person you want a restraining order against.
2. DV-140 Child Custody and Visitation Order: On form DV-140, complete items 1 and 2 and the judge will complete the rest of this form. If you are asking for the parent to be supervised during their visits with your child, you will also need form DV-150. Complete items 1 and 2 on form DV-150 and the judge will complete the rest of this form.
3. DV-108: Optional: Request for Order: No Travel With Children.
   If you believe that the other parent may take your child without your permission, you can ask the court to protect against this. To ask a judge for orders to prevent child abduction, you must complete form DV-108.  This form is optional because you do not have to ask for these orders if you want to ask for custody.
4. ChildrenDV-145 On form DV-145, complete items 1 and 2. If the judge grants your request, the judge will complete the rest of this form and include it with form DV-110. This form is optional because you do not have to ask for these orders if you want to ask for custody.

The complete set of documents is at the California Courts website. While these forms are used in most courts, certain courts use modified versions of these forms, and its important to uses those versions.

Tip: You can check your local court’s website to see the exact versions and set of court forms needed. You need to prepare these forms. Courts also offers a free self help center where you can take forms. Alternatively you can use a free website such as LegalAtoms to prepare the restraining orders paperwork online.

Nothing happens until you file the forms. So its a good idea to step through the forms even if you think you don’t plan to file for a protection order right now, to get

You can then file them online when you’ve thought through all aspects.  There are special protections for victims, and you’re protected even if your immigration status is undocumented in United States.

Step 3: File the Court Forms 

Submit your case documents at the court such that the clerk reviews their corrects and accepts them is called filing.

Identify the court at your county

In California, one typically file at the Superior Court at county of your residence or where the abuse occurred. For example, if you live in San Francisco city, then the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco.  There can be many special cases and fine print but that is the most common case. Please consult a lawyer if your situation is uncommon e.g. the abuser is overseas or you are overseas and the abuser is in California.

Correct location

Within the Superior Court of a county, there may be one location such as Superior Court of San Francisco OR multiple locations such as the one in San Bernardino, and each court has it’s own system so that you must file at the correct location.

For example here are some of the locations of the Superior Courts in California at San Bernardino County which are

• Barstow District: 235 East Mountain View Street Barstow, CA 92311
• Fontana District: Fontana District: 17780 Arrow Boulevard Fontana, CA 92335
• Joshua Tree District: 6527 White Feather Road Joshua Tree, CA 92252
• Needles District: 1111 Bailey Ave Needles, CA 92363
• Rancho Cucamonga District: 8303 Haven Avenue Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91730
• Victorville District: 14455 Civic Drive Victorville, CA 92392
• San Bernardino District: 351 North Arrowhead Avenue San Bernardino CA 92415

There are rules provided by the court to figure out where you should file. Some times the court depends on the zip code e.g. here’s the scheme from Superior Court of California at San Diego.

Please refer to the Zip Code List (SDSC Form # ADM-254PDF) for most family law cases, including Non-Governmental Child Support, Custody and Visitation, Divorce (Dissolution), Domestic Violence Restraining Orders, and Paternity cases. Some exceptions to the Zip Code List are noted below. 

Methods of Filing

Method # 1: In Person:

Your court location would accept the forms to be submitted in person at the court hours.

Tip: All courts have lunch hours when they are closed for an hour

When you submit your case documents at the court, typically you take 3 copies.

The clerks reviews it, and if everything is ok, they formally enter it into the court system and put a stamp near the top of the documents. That acceptance is called filing.

The stamp may look something like this:

Method # 2:  Electronically via a portal

Some counties now have one or more online portals where you create an account for free, and then you can upload documents and hit submit. You will be required to pay around $5-$10 filing fees.

Method # 3:  Via another person 

Some counties accept filing via a friend or legal courier. These companies or individuals charge a flat or hourly fee and file the documents at the court.

Step 4: Get a Temporary Order 

Depending on the facts and evidence presented, a Judge can issue a restraining order with immediate effect until the hearing, called an Emergency Temporary Order.  In relatively less risky situations, a temporary order is issued in a few days.

If there are no grounds or if the application is incomplete or the jurisdiction is incorrect the application may be rejected.

The temporary order is only valid for about 3 weeks which is the amount of time until the hearing. If the hearing is delayed for any reason, you need to check with the court to ensure the temporary order is renewed until the hearing.

Step 5: Serve the abuser 

If you were successful in getting a temporary order only then this step is necessary, otherwise you will have to wait until you get one.

In the California legal system system, whenever one party initiates a restraining order it needs to inform or serve the other party formally by delivering the court documents. That step is called serving the respondent, and is often seen in movies and TV shows as “You’ve been served”.

Under the California law there are multiple ways in which the other party can be served.

You cannot  serve your papers yourself.

Option 1:  Ask a Cop (FREE)

A sheriff or marshal can serve the opposing party for you which is a big help. This service is offered for FREE. You will however need the address of the abuser. To ask the sheriff to serve your papers, you must have an address or location for the other side (restrained person). If the other side is in jail, the sheriff can serve them. If the other side is in prison in California, prison staff, not the sheriff, will serve your papers. Follow the instructions by the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation for serving someone in prison

Option 2: Ask a friend, relative or any adult (FREE)

You ask someone you know to be your server

• 18 or over, and
• not part of your case

Think about safety when choosing your server. Get step-by-step instructions for how to have someone else, not the sheriff, serve your court papers.

Option 3: Hire a specialized courier

You can also hire a courier called  professional process server. You can search on Yelp or Google to get a list of options near you. Yelp Example . An example is ABC Legal Services.

You cannot hire regular couriers such as UPS, FedEx or US Postal Service unless in exceptional scenarios where the judge authorizes service by mail, but that’s a whole different topic altogether.

Step 6: Present Evidence in a Court Hearing 

Attend a hearing: The court holds a hearing within a couple of weeks where the evidence is examined. If there is sufficient supporting evidence as determined by a Judge, a full restraining order is issued. At this point it becomes a crime for the abuser to break the conditions of the restraining order.

Step 7. Collect the Final Order

After the hearing, a final order may be issued. You can take a paper copy of the order with you. The order is typically valid for five years.

Costs

There are no costs associated with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

• FREE forms : You can get the court forms for free, or prepare them using the guided experience below.
• FREE filing: There is fees for filing. Online filing platforms may charge a service fees

How long does it take to get a restraining order

You can get a temporary protection order the same day as you file.

Courts can have a cutoff of around 2 p.m.  for the same day service, so you need to file before then. Otherwise, the order would be issued the following day when courts open.

Courts are generally open Monday-Friday and closed on Saturday-Sunday.

The temporary order is valid until a formal hearing is held in which both parties need to be present. Typically a hearing is scheduled in 2 weeks of filing.

At the hearing a formal order may be issued

Risks

It is conceivable that following the submission of a civil protection order, the abuser particularly in domestic violence situations may react with anger due to the perceived loss of control over you and your household. In certain instances, the abuser may portray themselves as the victim and shift blame onto the actual victim they were mistreating.

The response of your abuser after the filing of a protection order is unpredictable. While a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) can provide legal protection, one should not automatically assume that it guarantees safety. The initial weeks post-filing can be particularly precarious, contingent on your abuser’s reaction.

Despite the safeguards intended by a DVPO, abusers may retaliate through various means, such as:

1. Physical assault or violence
2. Harming or taking away children
3. Damaging jointly owned property
4. Disregarding the order and persisting with threats, possibly through intermediaries
5. Inflicting harm or causing harm to pets
6. Harassing your loved ones for information
7. Engaging in stalking behavior
8. Initiating a retaliatory restraining order against you
9. Spreading false information about you in court documents, online, or publicly

Following the submission of a domestic violence Protection order, it’s important to continuously assess your situation and prepare for the potential escalation of your case into