Last Updated March 11, 2025/California

How do I get a restraining order against my ex who keeps texting me

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Recently updated on March 11th, 2025 at 08:31 pm

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Many people particularly women do not come forward because of shame, embarrassment, and the ordeal of explaining their situation against an ex who keeps on texting them long after the relationship or any dating they had has stopped.

If your ex continues to text you in California and it is unwanted or harassing, you have several options to address the situation legally:

Send a Clear Message and Block their number: The first step is to make it clear that you do not want further contact. Send a clear and firm message stating that the communication is unwanted and must stop. On most smartphones, you can block the person’s phone number so that their texts and calls do not reach you.
File a Police Report: If the messages contain threats of violence or other criminal behavior, you may need to report this to the police. In some cases, persistent, unwanted communication may constitute harassment or stalking, which are criminal offenses under California law.
Apply for a Restraining Order: If the unwanted texts continue, you may consider applying for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order if you were in a intimate relationship or even dated briefly.

Domestic Violence Restraining Order Against an Ex who harasses by texting

A Domestic Violence Restraining Order is a kind of restraining order that can serve to stop abuse from a step parent or other domestic situations. The formal name and fine print of restraining orders varies from state to state but the basic idea is the same: a judge issues an order to an abuser to stay away from and not contact their victim (including via text) who the abuser is harassing, abusing, threatening, stalking, or physically hurting. In other words it’s a last legal warning to stay away or else face criminal charges. If the abuser disobeys the restraining order, then the abuser can be formally charged with committing a crime and can be jailed. There is no criminal record that appears if the abuser takes note and complies with the order.

It is governed by the California state law (as opposed to US Federal Law).

Different types of restraining orders apply in situations of domestic violence, stalking, harassment, or situations where there is a credible threat to an individual’s safety.

If a person believes their situation qualifies for restraining order as defined in California Civil Code, they can apply for one through the Superior Court in their county of residence. The process involves filing a set of standard court forms, attending a hearing, and presenting evidence to support the request for the order.

Definition of Domestic Violence in California

Ann.Cal.Fam.Code § 6211“Domestic violence” is abuse perpetrated against any of the following persons:

A spouse or former spouse.
A cohabitant or former cohabitant, as defined in Section 6209.
A person with whom the respondent is having or has had a dating or engagement relationship.
A person with whom the respondent has had a child, where the presumption applies that the male parent is the father of the child of the female parent under the Uniform Parentage Act (Part 3 (commencing with Section 7600) of Division 12).
A child of a party or a child who is the subject of an action under the Uniform Parentage Act, where the presumption applies that the male parent is the father of the child to be protected.
Any other person related by consanguinity or affinity within the second degree.

The original text is here

See the main law on Domestic Violence Restraining Order

Ann.Cal.Fam.Code §§ 6203; 6320(a), (c)(a) The court may issue an ex parte order enjoining a party from molesting, attacking, striking, stalking, threatening, sexually assaulting, battering, credibly impersonating as described in Section 528.5 of the Penal Code, falsely personating as described in Section 529 of the Penal Code, harassing, telephoning, including, but not limited to, making annoying telephone calls as described in Section 653m of the Penal Code, destroying personal property, contacting, either directly or indirectly, by mail or otherwise, coming within a specified distance of, or disturbing the peace of the other party, and, in the discretion of the court, on a showing of good cause, of other named family or household members.

(b) On a showing of good cause, the court may include in a protective order a grant to the petitioner of the exclusive care, possession, or control of any animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by either the petitioner or the respondent or a minor child residing in the residence or household of either the petitioner or the respondent. The court may order the respondent to stay away from the animal and forbid the respondent from taking, transferring, encumbering, concealing, molesting, attacking, striking, threatening, harming, or otherwise disposing of the animal.

(c) As used in this subdivision (a), “disturbing the peace of the other party” refers to conduct that, based on the totality of the circumstances, destroys the mental or emotional calm of the other party. This conduct may be committed directly or indirectly, including through the use of a third party, and by any method or through any means including, but not limited to, telephone, online accounts, text messages, internet-connected devices, or other electronic technologies. This conduct includes, but is not limited to, coercive control, which is a pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty. Examples of coercive control include, but are not limited to, unreasonably engaging in any of the following:

(1) Isolating the other party from friends, relatives, or other sources of support.

(2) Depriving the other party of basic necessities.

(3) Controlling, regulating, or monitoring the other party’s movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources, or access to services.

(4) Compelling the other party by force, threat of force, or intimidation, including threats based on actual or suspected immigration status, to engage in conduct from which the other party has a right to abstain or to abstain from conduct in which the other party has a right to engage.

(5) Engaging in reproductive coercion, which consists of control over the reproductive autonomy of another through force, threat of force, or intimidation, and may include, but is not limited to, unreasonably pressuring the other party to become pregnant, deliberately interfering with contraception use or access to reproductive health information, or using coercive tactics to control, or attempt to control, pregnancy outcomes.

(d) This section does not limit any remedies available under this act or any other provision of law.

Comparison with Criminal Case

If you’re a victims of domestic violence, then you can file the following legal cases:

Criminal Case: In a criminal case, the burden of proof is beyond a reasonable doubt, the highest burden of proof.
Domestic Violence Restraining Order : This is considered a family law case, and the victim has to give some evidence and generally the burden is low and the victim must establish “reasonable proof of a past act or acts of abuse.” Cal. Family Code § 6300.For Domestic Violence Restraining Order, you just need evidence to support that abuse occurred which is defined as bodily injury or fear that you will get bodily injury.The legal language is in California Penal Code 13700: “intentionally or recklessly causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, or placing another person in reasonable apprehension of imminent serious bodily injury to himself or herself, or another.”

The court considers accusations of abuse leniently, and favors on issuing orders as long as there is some evidence.

Does my situation qualify for Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) or some other type of restraining order

Here’s a summary of the different types of restraining orders. There are a few different types of restraining orders and typically only one of them may apply to your situation. The first step is to see if any of the different types of restraining order applies to your situation or is remotely related as that might help you decide whether to apply .

The types are:

Domestic Violence is for situations involving domestic violence which is when a victim has been abused by a romantic partner (spouse, domestic partner, girlfriend/boyfriend) or a stepson or stepdaughter or a family member. For a complete overview of what is domestic violence please review: What is the legal definition of Domestic Violence in California

Civil harassment applies to situations involving repeated irritating behavior, stalking, abuse, or threatened by someone you are not as close to as is required under domestic violence cases, like a roommate, a neighbor, or more distant family members like cousins, aunts or uncles, or nieces or nephews.

Elder Abuse: A senior citizen (or an adult who cannot function independently) is being abused by a caretaker, neighbor or child .

Gun Violence: Typically, a police officer or sheriff who thinks someone might hurt themselves or someone else with a gun. This can stop that person from buying or owning a gun. It can’t order them to stay away from someone.

Workplace Violence: An employer usually requests these to protect their employee(s) from a person who has stalked, harassed, been violent or threatened violence at the workplace.

School Violence involves violence, or threat of, against one or more students of a private postsecondary (after high school) school. This type of restraining order may only be granted if the threat of violence is for an act that would likely take place on the school’s campus, and is requested by school official.

What if I am Under 18 years of Age

Restraining orders can be requested by anyone 12 years or older, and without your parent’s permission. If you are under 18, then in some situations , a judge may ask you to have a trusted adult help you in your case after you have filed for the petition. such as a parent a counselor or a neighbor.

Situation Examples

Example 1: Stepson is verbally abusive

My stepson doesn’t allow me to set any boundaries to his verbal abuse and intrusive behavior. As a family we have been living in the same apartment for nearly two decades now. He verbally abuses me by calling me a whore if I am seen talking to any man. During this time he is intoxicated so I am fearful of having a discussion as his anger will quickly get out of control, and he will hurl things at home thereby inducing more fear in me. Such behavior has been going on for over a decade now so I am not sure about the date of the first incident now. One day I very carefully chose my words and mentioned that he should seek counseling or move out. He was enraged and threated me that he will utterly destroy me, my work reputation, and expose some minor things I did to the immigration authorities.

Example: Stepson blackmails and destroys property to control and induce fear

Today, Michael was armed with a pistol and seemed to be under the influence of an unidentified substance. He made threats to create false narratives with the aim of jeopardizing my 28-year accounting career, stating he would falsely accuse me of engaging in illegal financial activities. His menacing statement, “if you mess with me, I’ll retaliate,” was accompanied by destructive actions, such as damaging property in my home, including creating a hole in the wall. Michael’s behavior becomes particularly alarming when he is under the influence of drugs.

Is a restraining order helpful?

The purpose of a restraining order is to restrict the contact or proximity of one person (the respondent or alleged perpetrator) to another person (the petitioner or victim) in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the petitioner.

The specific terms of a restraining order can vary depending on the circumstances of the case e.g. if the people live together then it might require one party to vacate the place.

Typically, a restraining order may prohibit the respondent from

Approaching or contacting the petitioner including via text or social media
Staying away from the usual places petitioner is at such as home, work or school
Prohibit stalking, or surveillance of any kind
In situations where they lived together, provide custody or access to
- Children
- Pets
- Important documents
- Personal items such as clothes, medications, cell phones
- Cars
Extending the protections to others living with the petitioner

Research findings on benefits of restraining orders

Here’s the top three findings from a study on domestic violence and restraining orders from the University of New Hampshire

Reduce Violence

Civil protective orders (such as a DVRO) are effective in reducing partner violence for many women. For half the women in the sample, a protective order stopped the violence. For the other half, the orders significantly reduced violence and abuse.

Cost Effective

They are a relatively low-cost solution, particularly when compared with the social and personal costs of partner violence.

Urban Vs. Rural

The impact of civil protective orders on reducing violence and abuse did not differ for rural and urban women. In rural areas where resources and services for partner violence may be more limited, the restraining orders hold greater importance.

Process for getting a Domestic Violence Restraining order against an Ex

Step 1: Select the type of restraining order and gather evidence

There are a few different types of restraining orders and typically only one of them may apply to your situation so it’s important to select the correct one.

Domestic Violence

Select
Qualifying relationships

Someone you dated
Boyfriend / girlfriend
Husband / wife
Domestic partner
Partner’s ex-
Close relative
In-laws

Civil Harassment

Select
Qualifying relationships

Roommate
Neighbor
Co-worker / wife
Stranger
Landlord
Any other

How this Website Works

This website simplifies the process of creating the court forms and filing them for all types of Restraining Orders. You can also just explore the process privately.

1. Take Screening

Select the specific protection order you want to file for. Then answer a few questions to determine your eligibility.

2. Prepare Documents for Restraining Order

Prepare the main set of your court documents by covering one topic at a time presented in simple language, and from any device. Then digitally sign without the need to print or re-scan the documents.

3. Consult Local Nonprofit (Optional)

Depending on your location, our website may allow you to make an appointment with your local and independent (no connection to this website) trusted and free victim advocacy non profits. These are typically funded by the Federal Government to assist the needy with legal process. The advocate can assist you with certain aspects of the case and safety planning. They can review your case documents, and talk to you directly to discuss your case.

4 File for Restraining Order Online

This website simplifies the filing to a couple of clicks, and get follow up messages notifications from the court. You also have the option to download and print the PDF files and file in person.

Gather Evidence

The first step is to gather the evidence to support your case. What proof do you need for a restraining order in California. The following are examples to help you organize though anything that supports your claims can be used.

Criminal Case

A criminal case in progress shows that the district attorney also found evidence of the abuse or crimes and therefore supports your claims.

Photos

Photos of violence, injuries, damage

Messages

Print outs of messages, emails or transcripts of voicemail

911 Calls

For each call document the #, date, time, caller, callee details

Medical Records

Documentation of any medical emergencies or injuries or treatments resulting from abuser’s violence.

Police Report

Police reports filed against abuser for domestic violence.

Testimony

A testimony from a witness who can be a family member, neighbor a co-worker or a bystander, either in writing or in person at the hearing, describing the incidents witnessed.

Step 2: Get a copy of court forms

You can fill these online for free by visiting here

In order to apply for a restraining order, you need to fill and submit a specific set of official California court forms. These have questions aimed at understanding your situation and the people involved.

Forms for Domestic Violence Restraining Order

DV-100 Request for Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DV-100)

Then supporting forms which are also required are

CLETS-001 Confidential CLETS Information
DV-109 Notice of Court Hearing
DV-110 Temporary Restraining Order

These forms are required only in certain situations i.e. If you have children together, and also want child custody, parenting time, or child support orders:

FL-150 Income and Expenses Declaration
DV-105 Request for Child Custody and Visitation Orders
DV-140 Child Custody and Visitation Order
DV-108 Request for Order: No Travel With Children
DV-145 Request for Order: No Travel With Children

The complete set of documents is at the California Courts website. While these forms are used in most courts, certain courts use modified versions of these forms, and its important to uses those versions.

Forms for Civil Harassment Restraining Order

Main form

CH-100 Request For Civil Harassment Restraining Orders

Then supporting forms which are also required are

CM-010 Civil Case Cover Sheet Required when you file any new civil case.
CH-109 Notice of Court Hearing: This form is only used if your initial case is successfully submitted but you sill need to file it initially as part of CH-100.
You will the basic information to make it easier for the court to fill their parts and issue a notice of hearing to all parties including you (or the victim) and the abuser.
In case a hearing is set then the court fills this form and completes it. Then this is used as a formal “invitation” or notice to attend the court hearing.
CH-110: Temporary Restraining Order (CLETS-TCH) This form is only used if your initial case is successfully submitted but you sill need to file it initially as part of CH-100. You will the basic information to make it easier for the court to fill their parts
In case a hearing is set then the court will issue a temporary restraining order via this form so you (or the victim) have protection until the hearing happens. So this is a very powerful document once a judge signs it.
CLETS-001: Confidential CLETS Information: The information on this form will help police enforce your restraining order. The court will not use the information on this form and the person you want a restraining order against will not get a copy.
CH-200 Proof of Personal Service: Use to prove that you had someone 18 or older (not you) give the person to be restrained a copy of the request, notice of court hearing, and temporary restraining order (if issued) in person.
CH-130 Civil Harassment Restraining Order After Hearing (CLETS-CHO): If the judge grants any a full restraining orders (as opposed to the temporary order) they will fill and sign this form. This is the official restraining order then
CH-120 Restraining Orders Leave this form blank and serve on the restrained person with the copy of your request and notice of hearing.
CH-800 Proof of Firearms Turned In, Sold or Stored : Leave this form blank and serve on the restrained person with the copy of your request and notice of hearing.
CH-250 Proof of Service by MailUse to prove that you had someone 18 or older (not you) mail to the restrained person a copy of your Civil Harassment Restraining Order After Hearing (form CH-130). Make sure you can in fact serve form CH-130 by mail in your case.

The complete set of documents is at the California Courts website. While these forms are used in most courts, certain courts use modified versions of these forms, and its important to uses those versions.

Tip: Check your county’s Superior Court website Or use LegalAtoms to get a complete and updated list of required forms.

Step 3: File with the County’s Superior Court

Filing is the process which means the following steps

Formally submitting the case documents at the court with the office of the clerk
The clerk reviews and verifies the correctness of forms and completeness of the required info
Clerk enters the case in the court database, stamps the documents and assigns a case #

County (Venue)
The proper venue for a restraining order case is the county where the abuse took place or where the restrained party lives. However, venue is a defensive motion and should be considered by the court only if the restrained party objects by filing a noticed motion for change of venue at or before the time of responding to the request.25 Improper venue is not a proper basis for the court to deny relief on its own motion (sua sponte).

Determine the County

In California, one typically file at the Superior Court at county of your residence or where the abuse occurred. For example, if you live in San Francisco city, then the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco. There can be many special cases and fine print but that is the most common case. Please consult a lawyer if your situation is uncommon e.g. the abuser is overseas or you are overseas and the abuser is in California.

Determine the Correct sub-location

Within the Superior Court of a county, there may be one location such as Superior Court of San Francisco OR multiple locations such as the one in San Bernardino, and each court has it’s own system so that you must file at the correct location.

For example here are some of the locations of the Superior Courts in California at San Bernardino County which are

Barstow District: 235 East Mountain View Street Barstow, CA 92311
Fontana District: Fontana District: 17780 Arrow Boulevard Fontana, CA 92335
Joshua Tree District: 6527 White Feather Road Joshua Tree, CA 92252
Needles District: 1111 Bailey Ave Needles, CA 92363
Rancho Cucamonga District: 8303 Haven Avenue Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91730
Victorville District: 14455 Civic Drive Victorville, CA 92392
San Bernardino District: 351 North Arrowhead Avenue San Bernardino CA 92415

Identify the methods of Filing

Method # 1: In Person by visiting the court house

Your court location would accept the forms to be submitted in person at the court hours.

Tip: All courts have lunch hours when they are closed for an hour

When you submit your case documents at the court, typically you take 3 copies.

The clerks reviews it, and if everything is ok, they formally enter it into the court system and put a stamp near the top of the documents. That acceptance is called filing.

The stamp may look something like this:

MANDATORY EFILING OF FAMILY LAW CASES EFFECTIVE NOVEMBER 15, 2021

Method # 2: E-file online

This is the most efficient option if you have an e-mail address and some basic computer skills like registering an account, and uploading PDF files.

Some counties now have one or more online portals where you create an account for free, and then you can upload documents and hit submit.

You will be required to some online service fees.


Method # 3: Via another person

Some counties accept filing via a friend or legal courier. These companies or individuals charge a flat or hourly fee and file the documents at the court.

Step 4: Judge Sets Hearing, Grant/Deny Temporary Restraining Order (TRO)

A judge reviews the case offline and then you will be notified by the court about the outcomes which are:

Temporary Restraining Order Granted
Temporary Restraining Order Denied

In addition the Judge would typically set a hearing. If the case doesn’t have sufficient evidence it might be dismissed without even a hearing.

The temporary order (if issued) is valid until the hearing i.e. typically about 3 weeks. If the hearing is delayed for any reason, you need to check with the court to ensure the temporary order is renewed until the hearing to provide you with legal protection.

Step 5: Serve a set of Stamped Case Forms including Hearing Notice to Abuser

Whenever one party initiates a restraining order it needs to inform or serve the other party formally by delivering the court documents. That step is called serving the respondent

Under the California law there are multiple ways in which the other party can be served.

You cannot serve your papers yourself.

Option 1:  Ask the Sheriff (FREE)

A sheriff or marshal can serve the opposing party for you which is a big help. This service is offered for FREE. To ask the sheriff to serve your papers, you must have an address or location for the other side (restrained person). If the other side is in jail, the sheriff can serve them. If the other side is in prison in California, prison staff, not the sheriff, will serve your papers. Follow the instructions by the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation for serving someone in prison


Option 2: Ask a friend, relative or any adult (FREE)

You ask someone you know to be your server

18 or over, and
not part of your case

Think about safety when choosing your server. Get step-by-step instructions for how to have someone else, not the sheriff, serve your court papers.

Option 3: Hire a courier for legal papers (Process Server)

You can also hire a courier called  professional process server. You can search on Yelp or Google to get a list of options near you. Yelp Example . An example is ABC Legal Services.

You cannot hire regular couriers such as UPS, FedEx or US Postal Service unless in exceptional scenarios where the judge authorizes service by mail, but that’s a whole different topic altogether.

Step 6: Present Evidence in a Court Hearing

Attend a hearing: The court holds a hearing within a couple of weeks where the evidence is examined. If there is sufficient supporting evidence as determined by a Judge, a full restraining order is issued. At this point it becomes a crime for the abuser to break the conditions of the restraining order.

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Step 7. Collect the Final Order

After the hearing, a final order may be issued. You can take a paper copy of the order with you. The order is typically valid for five years.

Overall Duration until I get a restraining Order

You can get a temporary protection order the same day as you file.

Courts can have a cutoff of around 2 p.m. for the same day service, so you need to file before then. Otherwise, the order would be issued the following day when courts open.

Courts are generally open Monday-Friday and closed on Saturday-Sunday.

The temporary order is valid until a formal hearing is held in which both parties need to be present. Typically a hearing is scheduled in 2 weeks of filing.

At the hearing a formal order may be issued

Costs of Getting a Restraining Order

There are no costs associated with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.

FREE forms : You can get the court forms for free, or prepare them using the guided experience below.
FREE filing: There is fees for filing. Online filing platforms may charge a service fees

Risk of Getting a Restraining Order

It is conceivable that following the submission of a civil protection order, the abuser particularly in domestic violence situations may react with anger due to the perceived loss of control over you and your household. In certain instances, the abuser may portray themselves as the victim and shift blame onto the actual victim they were mistreating.

The response of your abuser after the filing of a protection order is unpredictable. While a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) can provide legal protection, one should not automatically assume that it guarantees safety. The initial weeks post-filing can be particularly precarious, contingent on your abuser’s reaction.

Despite the safeguards intended by a DVPO, abusers may retaliate through various means, such as:

Physical assault or violence
Harming or taking away children
Damaging jointly owned property
Disregarding the order and persisting with threats, possibly through intermediaries
Inflicting harm or causing harm to pets
Harassing your loved ones for information
Engaging in stalking behavior
Initiating a retaliatory restraining order against you
Spreading false information about you in court documents, online, or publicly

Following the submission of a domestic violence Protection order, it’s important to continuously assess your situation and prepare for the potential escalation of your case into more violent territory.

Posted in California